Let Go Lightly
“Hold on tightly, let go lightly.”
There’s a funny story that a dear friend of mine used to share about me; or rather about something that happened during my junior year of high school. A bunch of us had gone together to see some kind of musical or show in the school’s auditorium. I was seated next to a boy that I’d dated for about 5 months but who had broken up with me at the start of the new school year.
“Every time I looked over,” my friend chuckled, “Andrea would be leaning a little bit toward Samuel*... and Samuel would be leaning a little bit further away from Andrea.”
My friend then held up his hands in parallel to show each of his palms starting to lean gradually to the left in unison, as a visual explanation.
When he recounted this story to our friends we all laughed hysterically - me included - but deep down I felt embarrassment and shame. I knew my friend’s story was true. I was smart enough to recognize that I was obviously holding on to a past relationship that didn’t want to be held!
Everyone around me could see that it was way past time for me to let go. I could see it too! I just didn’t know how.
Learning how to let go lightly is a skill you can develop over time and it begins with your thoughts.
“My Heart Seriously EXPLODES When I See That Smile!”
People believe that love happens to us magically. They think we don’t have any control over who we love (or who we don’t love).
“It just happens,” you may tell your friends. “I can never predict when it will happen or who it will happen with… love is mysterious and almost supernatural.”
This is not actually true though.
We can choose who we want to love, because we can choose the thoughts we have about other people.
You may be thinking, “Andrea, that’s crazy! I can’t choose to be interested in that big goofball of a guy/girl that keeps showing up at my desk at lunch! I’m totally not attracted to them!”
The funny thing is that attraction is all based upon our thoughts.
The things you think about this person determine your attraction to them. “What a funny, unattractive goofball,” you say, and BAM - you’ve just thrown them deep into the friend-zone.
Your thought didn’t create any attraction inside your brain or body for this funny, goofy person.
Maybe you have feelings instead for the “bad boy/girl” at the office… the unpredictable person that everyone is talking about. “I never know what they’re going to do,” you think. “And gosh. EVERYONE likes them. My best friend has a crush on them too!” That thought makes the person seem more desirable; less available, less controllable… almost unattainable.
“That person is SO exciting,” you say. “I wonder if they’re single? I wonder if they could ever like me?”