5 Signs of Undiagnosed ADHD in Midlife Moms
When I went through the ADHD diagnosis process with one of my teens, I found myself wondering about the symptoms of ADHD in adult women.
What were they?
Was it possible that I could have it too?
Many of the forms I had to fill out for my teen asked about experiences that felt oddly familiar to me, even as an adult.
I decided I wanted to do some deeper research.
This is how I first learned about how ADHD can show up very differently for adult women and moms!
Today, I’d love to share with you 5 of the top ways that ADHD presents itself in midlife mothers… things you may not expect.
1. Your brain is juggling all the time — yet you always feel like you’re lagging!
You keep an elaborate calendar to track your teens’ schedules, the household needs, work deadlines, and extended family obligations, but somehow things still sometimes slip through the cracks! You might miss a crucial school email, forget to thaw out dinner, or show up to a meeting unprepared — not AT ALL because you’re careless, but because your brain constantly feels like it’s got 20 different browser tabs open at the same time!
2. You experience bursts of energy followed by burnout!
You’re a mystery to everyone, including you! There are days when you accomplish a massive amount — tidying and organizing the garage, prepping a week’s worth of meals, or finishing up a big work project in one sitting. But then the next day, even putting laundry away feels impossible. This all-or-nothing productivity cycle can be frustrating or confusing, and you may chalk it up to poor willpower or “just getting older,” rather than understanding that you have a brain wired for interest-based motivation.
3. Sometimes, small tasks may feel totally overwhelming.
Even though you KNOW it shouldn’t be a big deal, just calling to make a dental appointment, filling out a form for your teen’s school, or organizing your desk at the office can feel unreasonably stressful. You know these little tasks shouldn’t feel hard… but somehow they DO, and they may stay on your TO-DO list for a month! Then, the invisible mental load gets heavier, and you may start to feel ashamed, stressed, or guilty … because you don’t know or realize that ADHD can actually turn task initiation into what feels like a superhuman feat.
4. Emotional overreactions that confuse even YOU.
You may find yourself welling up with tears when you think about your teen leaving for their adult life; getting frustrated and snappy when your partner dumps their dirty dishes sitting next to the sink; or feeling deeply wounded by a friend’s offhand comment. Your strong emotional swings might be labeled by others who say, “Don’t be so sensitive!” but for many women with ADHD, emotional regulation is a very real part of the challenge, especially during the hormone shifts of perimenopause and menopause.
5. You try out a new system for organization every month, but none last!
Yep - you’ve tried them ALL: planners, apps, family calendars, chore charts… even productivity hacks. They do work… for a little while. Then life gets busy, that ‘old’ system starts to feel stale, and you abandon it in favor of the next awesome thing. (Which feels bad and embarrassing, sometimes!)
This cycle isn’t a lack of discipline — your brain craves novelty and needs personalized tools tailored to how it ACTUALLY functions.
Why ADHD Is Often Overlooked In Women
I’d only scratched the tip of the iceberg, but my research had already made it clear that there was a lot I’d never have guessed about ADHD.
If you’re reading this today and recognize yourself in a few of these five symptoms, you’re not alone — and it’s NOT a personal failing.
ADHD in women is often overlooked, especially when the signs don’t match the stereotype of a hyperactive little boy many of us were taught to recognize in childhood. Women with ADHD often fly under the radar, especially because we have developed our own elaborate coping skills to pull ourselves through life over time.
However, there is no time like the present to get to know yourself on a new level!
First step: to acknowledge your curiosity and give yourself permission to dig into it further!
What to Do:
If you suspect you may have ADHD, consider keeping a basic log for a week or two; then write down the instances when you feel unfocused, overwhelmed, emotionally reactive, or “stuck.” You can also ask trusted friends or family members what they notice — sometimes they’ll share patterns they’ve noticed that you’ve learned to normalize over the years.
Next, look for a healthcare provider who understands how ADHD presents in women and in midlife. This might be a psychiatrist, psychologist, or a primary care doctor with ADHD experience. Bring your log to your appointment, along with any relevant personal or family history. Online ADHD self-assessments can also be a helpful starting point, although they can’t substitute for a full evaluation.
(Important Note: ADHD Life Coaches make awesome partners and co-creators AFTER your diagnosis, but we coaches do NOT diagnose ADHD and they are not a substitute for working with a therapist.)
Remember - whether or not you decide to pursue a formal diagnosis, you can still experiment with ADHD-friendly strategies — things like breaking tasks into small, doable steps, adding special reminders, and finding accountability partners. Many women discover that simply understanding themselves better is life-changing!!!
Just taking your first step toward greater self-knowledge is an act of compassion and care. You deserve it!