5 Signs of Undiagnosed ADHD in Midlife Moms
When I went through the ADHD diagnosis process with one of my kids, I found myself wondering about the symptoms of ADHD in adult women.
What were they?
Was it possible that I could have it too?
Many of the forms I had to fill out for my teen asked about experiences that felt oddly familiar to me, even as an adult.
I decided to do some research.
This is how I found out about how ADHD can show up differently for adult women and moms.
Today, I’d love to share with you 5 of the top ways that ADHD presents itself in midlife mothers:
7 Things I Learned From A Year of Coaching Mothers
So when my client Genny* wanted to get coaching on how to reboot her career now that her kids were in middle school and high school; I understood the anxiety and doubt she was wading through on her journey to discover who she is NOW, not just remember who she was before she became a mom a long time ago. She already had plenty of training and education; she just didn’t feel like that old career was a good fit for her new self…
How To Calm Your Brain When Your Child Is Injured
“Mom, I’ve hurt myself. I’m bleeding and I need you to come pick me up.”
Those are the words that no mother (or father) wants to hear when their 12-year-old child is out riding a bicycle in the neighborhood.
And yet, those are the words I did hear yesterday right after lunchtime.
Immediately my brain went in a million different directions. “Did you get hit by a car?” I asked. “What happened? Where are you? We are on our way!”
My son explained that no, he had not been hit by a car… rather, he’d managed to shred up the top of his finger when he accidentally bicycled too close to a stone bollard on a side street not far from our house. “It’s a pretty deep cut,” he explained.
Oh gosh… this kid and fingers! My brain now spun to memories of the time 3 years ago when he’d cut off the top of one finger while baking a pecan pie; or the time when he was 3 years old when his fingers got slammed in the front door.
Immediately my heart began to pound harder and I could feel the physiological effects of stress… my pulse quickened, I began to get a little bit sweaty and I found that I was breathing faster.
A Fit Body Begins In The Brain
My human story, like many people’s stories, involves biology and peanut butter.
It includes a physical system gone rogue and the steadfast belief that I could find a way back to real health.
It required self-coaching - a lot of it! - that was necessary every step of the way to follow my own path steadfastly even when the chorus of voices all around me was LOUD and STRONG telling me that what I was trying to do could not be done and that I was crazy to try.
This story also involves love. Love for self, love for family, love for life… and love for food.
I love food. These days it’s a healthy love, not a furtive one. I love to cook. I am a foodie with an open mind when it comes to trying new things. I eat and enjoy food at least three times a day, and I feel so much gratitude when I do.
Food has not always been a genuine friend to me though; or rather I wasn’t a friend to myself. There were a lot of years when I ate for comfort and as a reward for getting through stress and sorrow. I didn’t know the words ‘emotional eating’ in my 20s or ‘buffering’ but I definitely could have explained to you that part of my strategy for dealing with a long, frustrating day at work or going on a less-than-stellar date included ending the night with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a family size bag of Kettle Chips.
For a long time, my metabolism served me just fine… and I didn’t think twice about what I put into my body. I stayed skinny and fit. Until suddenly, I didn’t! For three years my weight became almost all I thought about. You see, I’d gained 60 lbs!
Manage Your Sphere Plus ONE Extra Thing!
I haven’t seen my 82 year old mother in weeks now, even though she lives just 5 blocks away. Ever since California Governor Gavin Newsom advised adults 65+ to stay at home, Mom has followed orders. We speak every day on the telephone for up to an hour. Last week I ran an errand for her, and recently my brother brought groceries and left them outside of her door. A few days ago I walked to her house and we waved to each other and smiled, separated by the window. Keeping Mom safe during COVID-19 has become a central mission in my family… for the four of her children that remain, she is absolutely our national treasure.
My big sister, a genius quilter and crafter, is busy sewing scores of face masks to donate to local hospitals. Her washable cotton masks fit over the personal protective equipment (PPE) that doctors and nurses are legally required to wear - which they are quickly running out of - and will help those masks last longer. It’s not a perfect situation but she was asked to do this by two of her close friends that are nurses. She is working hard and doing whatever she can to help!
Let Go Lightly
“Hold on tightly, let go lightly.”
There’s a funny story that a dear friend of mine used to share about me; or rather about something that happened during my junior year of high school. A bunch of us had gone together to see some kind of musical or show in the school’s auditorium. I was seated next to a boy that I’d dated for about 5 months but who had broken up with me at the start of the new school year.
“Every time I looked over,” my friend chuckled, “Andrea would be leaning a little bit toward Samuel*... and Samuel would be leaning a little bit further away from Andrea.”
My friend then held up his hands in parallel to show each of his palms starting to lean gradually to the left in unison, as a visual explanation.
When he recounted this story to our friends we all laughed hysterically - me included - but deep down I felt embarrassment and shame. I knew my friend’s story was true. I was smart enough to recognize that I was obviously holding on to a past relationship that didn’t want to be held!
Everyone around me could see that it was way past time for me to let go. I could see it too! I just didn’t know how.
Learning how to let go lightly is a skill you can develop over time and it begins with your thoughts.
Coronavirus worries? 5 Tips to Create and Maintain a Healthy Mindset!
“I can’t sleep at night,” Maria tells me. “I am literally laying awake in my bed at night worrying about this coronavirus.”
“Why?” I ask. Maria is a newer client, so we are just getting to know each other.
“My brain won’t turn off,” she explains. “I keep thinking about my kids, wondering about Jon’s asthma. I’m stressed out about getting extra medical supplies, trying to make sure I will have everything he needs if the pharmacies run out ...or, worse, what I will do if he gets the virus.”
“What’s your main concern?”
“That I’m going to mess up. That I’m unprepared. What if this gets bad and something happens to one of them, or to me? What if I haven’t done enough? What if one of us… (Maria lowers her voice nearly to a whisper)... dies?” Her eyes fill with tears.
Unconditional Love: How YOU Can Transform Your Relationships and Feel Better!
What if someone could let you down, and you could simply feel love for them?
What if they didn’t play by your rulebook, but lived according to their own rules… and you could love them anyway?
Is there EVER a time when loving someone doesn’t feel better than being upset with them?
You don’t have to hang out with a person who isn’t meeting your needs, but does it ever actually feel good, or make your day better, to experience a ton of negative emotions toward another human? Do resentment, bitterness, rage, frustration and regret actually feel great?
Wouldn’t love feel better?
“My Heart Seriously EXPLODES When I See That Smile!”
People believe that love happens to us magically. They think we don’t have any control over who we love (or who we don’t love).
“It just happens,” you may tell your friends. “I can never predict when it will happen or who it will happen with… love is mysterious and almost supernatural.”
This is not actually true though.
We can choose who we want to love, because we can choose the thoughts we have about other people.
You may be thinking, “Andrea, that’s crazy! I can’t choose to be interested in that big goofball of a guy/girl that keeps showing up at my desk at lunch! I’m totally not attracted to them!”
The funny thing is that attraction is all based upon our thoughts.
The things you think about this person determine your attraction to them. “What a funny, unattractive goofball,” you say, and BAM - you’ve just thrown them deep into the friend-zone.
Your thought didn’t create any attraction inside your brain or body for this funny, goofy person.
Maybe you have feelings instead for the “bad boy/girl” at the office… the unpredictable person that everyone is talking about. “I never know what they’re going to do,” you think. “And gosh. EVERYONE likes them. My best friend has a crush on them too!” That thought makes the person seem more desirable; less available, less controllable… almost unattainable.
“That person is SO exciting,” you say. “I wonder if they’re single? I wonder if they could ever like me?”
Welcome to Your New Year!
With a new year and decade beginning today, many of us are making big, beautiful, hopeful resolutions for 2020!
This will be the year we finally apply for that job promotion; the year we lose that extra 20 lbs. We’ll save up enough money to take that big trip we’ve been dreaming of; we’ll exercise five times a week instead of twice. We’ll be a more loving spouse or partner; we’ll be more patient with our kids.
We have such good intentions, we start off full of energy and enthusiasm like there’s a fire burning under us.
And yet, for every person making resolutions today, research shows that within one week, a quarter of us will give up. Perhaps more surprisingly, fewer than 1 in 10 will actually persevere with our goals until the end of the calendar year!
Why does this happen?